


New Beginnings

by mycahthelittlehobbit



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 21:33:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10953147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mycahthelittlehobbit/pseuds/mycahthelittlehobbit
Summary: Bill Hurts Laura and has to regain her trust...a few times





	1. Trust

**Author's Note:**

> On old work originally posted to survivalinstinct.net on October 23, 2008

Laura Roslin stood at the side lines of the boxing ring, watching a brave, stupid, enduring man prove a point. Trust was a luxury that they couldn't afford, he had said after he fell, being pummeled by a close friend. And now, they walked back towards his quarters, where she was staying the night for 'medical' reasons. They walked by themselves, her guards dismissed since she was with the admiral, a good distance between them, not their usual arm in arm look. She side glanced at his bloodied appearance as they silently entered his quarters. She immediately went into the head, and came out again with a wet towel to find him sitting on the couch, head between his hands.

She quietly sat down and with a tender touch, she lifted his face. He met her eyes, and let her slowly clean up his face. His eyes never left hers. He mumbled a detached thanks and stayed sitting as she went to go put the towel in a basket. He still sat in the same place he had been occupying since they had entered his quarters.

"What the hell was that Adama?" She asked, standing right in front of him with only the coffee table separating them.

"I was proving a point," he said, meeting her eyes once again, "can't you understand that?"

"No," she shot back, "I don't. Why the hell would you questioning trust? The entire human race trusts me to lead them to earth, to keep them safe. The entire military trusts you to lead them, to order them in a battle situation. So now are you saying we shouldn't trust each other? I thought you trusted me?" she said.

He sighed irritably, "That's not what I meant, and you know that. It's just--"

"Just what?" Laura interrupted angrily, "Just that now long time friends will regard each other as enemies, and spouses won't be able to look at each other with out wondering if the other is cheating on them? Is that what you wanted? Will you be able to trust me? Should I not trust Cottle to give me my medicine because he may want to kill me? Really Bill, what did you want?"

"Damn it, no, that’s not what I wanted. I wanted people to be a bit more cautious of who they trusted, after everything that's happened lately; I at least hoped that you would understand,"

"Well, I don’t. And I just want to say, I used to trust you, I would have trusted you with my people, to take over when I died. I would have trusted you with the lives of all these people who now don’t trust their loved ones. I would have trusted you with my life, with my…"she faded out.

"With your what? What is this really about? Is this about the trust the fleet has in their leaders? Or their leaders have in each other?" William Adama asked, finally figuring out the meanings of her words, "What would you have trusted me with Laura, with your heart? Is that what this is about? This really isn't about anything but you and me, is it? I see now, you think that I have betrayed you? Never, I will always be there for you, no matter what, through sickness and health, and times of trial, I will always be there. You need to know this," he said getting up and coming over to where she sat.

Tears silently slid down Laura's face as he spoke, not knowing whether to feel angry or grateful that he really did love her, without directly saying so, and would never give up on her. She wiped the unwanted tears away, desperately tried to shape up, and show him that she was strong, and very disappointed in him. She eventually looked away, sick of the way he was able to read her mind.

"How am I supposed to lead a distrusting civilization? Our whole race is based on trust for fraks sake! Everyone needs to be able to trust each other, including us. But just because you can't trust one person, the whole fleet can't trust each other. You need to learn to FORGIVE, I have. Be the bigger person. The whole fleet looks up to us, not just the people on this ship. So shape up, be a man, and when you're ready to talk, you can come find me on Colonial One, I was going to tell you something important, but now I don't think I trust you enough to tell you," Laura went and grabbed her bag, and walked out to go to find someone to take her over to Colonial One a little earlier than scheduled.

Bill watched her leave, didn't say a word, and let her walk out the hatch.Laura Roslin stood at the side lines of the boxing ring, watching a brave, stupid, enduring man prove a point. Trust was a luxury that they couldn't afford, he had said after he fell, being pummeled by a close friend. And now, they walked back towards his quarters, where she was staying the night for 'medical' reasons. They walked by themselves, her guards dismissed since she was with the admiral, a good distance between them, not their usual arm in arm look. She side glanced at his bloodied appearance as they silently entered his quarters. She immediately went into the head, and came out again with a wet towel to find him sitting on the couch, head between his hands.

She quietly sat down and with a tender touch, she lifted his face. He met her eyes, and let her slowly clean up his face. His eyes never left hers. He mumbled a detached thanks and stayed sitting as she went to go put the towel in a basket. He still sat in the same place he had been occupying since they had entered his quarters.

"What the hell was that Adama?" She asked, standing right in front of him with only the coffee table separating them.

"I was proving a point," he said, meeting her eyes once again, "can't you understand that?"

"No," she shot back, "I don't. Why the hell would you questioning trust? The entire human race trusts me to lead them to earth, to keep them safe. The entire military trusts you to lead them, to order them in a battle situation. So now are you saying we shouldn't trust each other? I thought you trusted me?" she said.

He sighed irritably, "That's not what I meant, and you know that. It's just--"

"Just what?" Laura interrupted angrily, "Just that now long time friends will regard each other as enemies, and spouses won't be able to look at each other with out wondering if the other is cheating on them? Is that what you wanted? Will you be able to trust me? Should I not trust Cottle to give me my medicine because he may want to kill me? Really Bill, what did you want?"

"Damn it, no, that’s not what I wanted. I wanted people to be a bit more cautious of who they trusted, after everything that's happened lately; I at least hoped that you would understand,"

"Well, I don’t. And I just want to say, I used to trust you, I would have trusted you with my people, to take over when I died. I would have trusted you with the lives of all these people who now don’t trust their loved ones. I would have trusted you with my life, with my…"she faded out.

"With your what? What is this really about? Is this about the trust the fleet has in their leaders? Or their leaders have in each other?" William Adama asked, finally figuring out the meanings of her words, "What would you have trusted me with Laura, with your heart? Is that what this is about? This really isn't about anything but you and me, is it? I see now, you think that I have betrayed you? Never, I will always be there for you, no matter what, through sickness and health, and times of trial, I will always be there. You need to know this," he said getting up and coming over to where she sat.

Tears silently slid down Laura's face as he spoke, not knowing whether to feel angry or grateful that he really did love her, without directly saying so, and would never give up on her. She wiped the unwanted tears away, desperately tried to shape up, and show him that she was strong, and very disappointed in him. She eventually looked away, sick of the way he was able to read her mind.

"How am I supposed to lead a distrusting civilization? Our whole race is based on trust for fraks sake! Everyone needs to be able to trust each other, including us. But just because you can't trust one person, the whole fleet can't trust each other. You need to learn to FORGIVE, I have. Be the bigger person. The whole fleet looks up to us, not just the people on this ship. So shape up, be a man, and when you're ready to talk, you can come find me on Colonial One, I was going to tell you something important, but now I don't think I trust you enough to tell you," Laura went and grabbed her bag, and walked out to go to find someone to take her over to Colonial One a little earlier than scheduled.

Bill watched her leave, didn't say a word, and let her walk out the hatch.


	2. A Good Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill has a plan to get back into Laura's good graces

It had all started with a chair. It had been a normal meeting between the president and the admiral. They had been in her office, he had stood up to leave, and she stood also to see him off. Then all of a sudden, he was kissing her, and then they were in one of the big soft chairs, hands pulling at clothing. One thing had led to another and now, she was pregnant.

And she was scared. Laura Roslin, the president of the twelve colonies, was accidentally pregnant with Admiral William Adama's baby. But could she tell him, no, he had questioned trust, and she had been hurt by that. Yes, she might have taken it a little extreme by yelling at him, telling him to grow up, and then leaving, but she had really been hurt by him. And now she was alone, with a baby and no one to turn to for strength when she thought she couldn't lead a condemned race to a new home.

"Stop moping Laura," she mumbled to herself, tearing her eyes from the offending chair, "back to work," she put her glasses on and read another tedious report.

~^~

William, or Bill, Adama sat alone in his quarters, thinking about that night that he and Laura had spent together. They had been getting closer since that night, a look here, a brush of the hand there. Then he had gone and questioned the faith between friends and family, and now, they had hardly had ten consecutive words spoken to each other since then. She would arrive just on time for a meeting then be the first one out of the door, or she would talk with everyone in the room but him and when she did talk to him, she would address him as admiral Adama. She would briefly say something, not curtly, but not friendly. She was the perfect image of professionalism, which really irritated him.

"How can she not want to talk to me?!" he asked the empty room, slamming his fist down on the desk in front of him, "doesn’t that woman feel? What the hell is the matter with her?" he felt like screaming, but he didn't, knowing that he deserved her wrath, he hadn't known that she would take his remark on trust so personally, and now he needed to find a way to make it up to her. Ideas started to come to mind, and after a few minutes, he had pieced together a plan that was sure to work.

~^~

Laura sat down for a Quorum meeting at the head of the table. Bill had been unusually quite and observant since she had walked in. He had made no attempt to talk to her like he usually did, no move to stand up; he just sat and watched her with mild interest. Maybe he had given up on her, which was not what she had intended. She wanted him to regain her trust, she wanted him to work for it, and she wanted him to be her friend and almost lover again.

She sat quietly through the meeting, following along in the agenda, making notes and speaking up when she had an opinion. The meeting was almost over when she flipped one of the pages to find a photo laying there. It was of her and Bill, smiling at each other at the New Caprica ground breaking ceremony, a look of pure love shone in their eyes. It seemed so long ago, she was just getting used to being a regular civilian when this picture had been taken. A flood of memories came back to her as she looked at it. So no one would see it, she quickly slid it into the front pocket of the folder and set her mind back to the topic at hand. She caught Bill watching her and new that it was him who had put it in her agenda. She didn't know what it meant exactly, but she knew that it was his way of saying that he wanted things back to the way they had been before.

~^~

The meeting finally ended, it had lasted twenty minutes after she had found the picture that he had put in her agenda

"Admiral Adama, I would like a word," Laura said, a bit kinder than she had been for the last few weeks. He sat back down, looking her in the eye, knowing that she had figured out that it was he who had left the picture for her to find.

With the room finally empty, she came and sat next to him. She didn't look at him, she just looked at the picture that she held in her hands.

"Where did you find it?" she asked in a small voice.

"I had to harass a few people and threaten a few others with a trip out an air lock, but I found someone who had taken pictures from that night," he said seriously and just as quietly as her.

"There are more?" she said, fiddling with the picture

"Yes, there all in my quarters, if you wanted to come see them sometime," he offered.

"That would be nice. I might take you up on that one day," she stood up, "I better go, I've got an appointment with Cottle in an hour," she quickly grabbed her brief case, smiled at him, then left.

It was a good beginning, Bill thought.


	3. Figuring Things Out

"Well Laura, you are just starting your second trimester," Doctor Cottle said, moving the cold ultrasound probe over her slightly rounded stomach, "here's the fetus, she's still very small, but she's growing at a normal pace,"

"Can you tell if it's a boy or a girl yet?" Laura asked in a timid voice.

"It's a girl," he said.

"I've always wanted a baby girl," she whispered in an awed voice, looking at her baby on the ultrasound.

"When are you going to tell him?" Cottle asked her as he cleaned off her abdomen.

"Tell who?" Laura said lightly, pretending to not know to whom he was referring to.

"You know who the hell I'm talking about young lady," Cottle said in an angry whisper so that no one outside of the privacy curtain could hear him, "He needs to know that you're pregnant. This can't be between just you and I, you will need him to lean on when the press gives you crap about this."

Laura looked up at the ceiling, not knowing how to respond. "I can't tell him right now, we're…" she paused, looking for the right word, "not really on the best of terms with each other right now." She didn't want to have to tell anyone about her personal relationship with Bill, but she owed it to Cottle to give him an explanation, "we haven't really talked to each other since Chief beat the crap out of him. I planned to tell him that night, but when he said what he said, I couldn't bring it to myself to tell him. I--" tears started gathering in the corners of her eyes. She whipped them away angrily, "I've really got to get going," she lamely said, getting up to leave.

"Well, would you like a picture of the sonogram before you leave," he asked, holding out a simple white envelope.

Laura stared at it for a second, before cautiously reaching out to grab it. "Thank you Jack," she whispered, and fled from the clinic.

 

~^~

 

It had been four and a half months since he and Laura had slept together, and three since she had yelled at him. They had made a lot progress since that fight, but he knew that she wasn't fully open with him yet.

"What can I do to make her trust me again?" Bill asked the empty room. He had tried his hardest to talk to her more, but she had done a very good job of distancing herself. All meetings were formal, there were never private meetings between the admiral and the president anymore, and in those rare occasions that they were alon, she still addressed him as admiral, and she never delivered anything personally anymore. He only saw her during Quorum meetings or whenever they had a briefing, but those always included other people. They didn't share any private jokes anymore. She didn't give him that sunny smile that he cherished so much and she didn't laugh like she used to.

In fact, she had looked rather sick lately, which made him worry. Did Laura have cancer again? She looked tired all the time, even though she tried to hide it, he could always tell. She also looked a little pale on a few occasions, as though she had just thrown up.

He at the time and realized that he needed to be CIC in five minutes. He rushed out of quarters, thinking of all the things he needed to do and how he had missed lunch. He took a corner to fast outside of the CIC and nearly knocked someone over. To keep the other person from falling, he grabbed his arms. Once he got them stable, he, to his utter embarrassment, had nearly knocked Laura over.

"Oh my gods Laura, are you okay?" he asked hurriedly, "I'm so sorry," he bent down to pick up some papers that she had dropped, and noticed a black and white corner of a picture sticking out of the pile.

 

~^~

 

Laura had been looking at the sonogram of her baby discreetly in a folder as she walked back from CIC after picking up reports that where ready. As she turned a corner, she bumped into someone and nearly fell over. In hast to not fall over, she dropped her papers and reached out. Strong hands had grabbed her arms and held her upright and she found herself looking into Bill's azure eyes.

"Oh my gods Laura, are you okay? I'm so sorry," he said and bent down to pick up her things.

"I'm fine, are you okay? Sorry, I wasn't watching were I was walking," she said and bent down to quickly grab the sonogram of their baby, their baby, when did she start seeing this baby as theirs? She made a grab for the folders that the picture was in.

"I'm fine," Bill said, "what's this?" he asked pulling at the picture.

She quickly tried to gather the papers before he could see anymore of it, "Nothing," she said quickly, still trying to cover it up. She didn't succeed in grabbing the sonogram and waited for Bill to speak.

"Whose is it?" he asked quietly. She stayed silent, not knowing what to say, just staring at the picture, "whose is it Laura?" he repeated, raising his voice a little.

"Yours," she said simply, finding no other way of breaking the news gently, "I was going to tell you over a dinner that I had planned, but it seems you found my sonogram," she said quietly, not looking into his eyes, "you can keep it, just don't tell anyone yet, please? Only Cottle, you and I know about. I'll talk to you later," she said softly, and flashed a watery smile, got up and left quickly, feeling a little awkward.


	4. Getting Reacquainted

It had been a long shift in CIC for Bill. He desperately wanted to stare at the picture of the baby in Laura's abdomen that she said was his. She said that they would talk later, and he had questions pouring into his head. How far along was she? Did she have names picked out? Is she going to keep the baby? And the most persistent question running through his mind was why hadn't she told him sooner? With her weekly check ups from Cottle that she had been having, he assumed that she had known for a while. It was frustrating that he didn't have any answers to the onslaught of questions, but he knew that Laura had everything planned out.

After what seemed like days instead of hours, his shift finally ended. Bill handed CIC over to Saul, and hastily made his way to his quarters, hoping to catch Laura in her down time. Unfortunately for him, chief Tyrol stopped him just as he came out of CIC.

"Admiral, just the person I wanted to see," he said stopping Bill, "I have a situation down in the hanger deck that needs your immediate attention."

What needs my immediate attention right now is Laura Bill thought to himself, but grudgingly led the way to the hanger deck.

 

~^~

 

As it turned out, Lee and Kara had had a 'lovers' quarrel (even though they weren't lovers). By the time Bill got there the excitement had expelled and various pilots were calming down the two kids. After chewing both out separately, he dismissed them and tiredly waked back to his quarters.

"Frakkin idiots," he mumbled as he entered his quarters. The lamp behind his couch was on, which was odd since he had turned it off. And Laura Roslin napping on his couch was a surprise. He quietly walked to the head to clear his head. He slumped over the sink, what was she doing here? Wasn't she supposed to be on Colonial One? I'll talk to you later, those were her words. He hadn't known that she would actually be staying to talk to him later, after his shift. She must've fallen asleep while he had taken his frustrating detour to the hanger deck to deal with his kid and adoptive kid, "gods, my life is a living hell today."

"I hope I didn't cause that statement," a sleepy voice said behind him, "If so, I'll just leave," Laura looked at him through the mirror, and then turned to go after no reply.

Bill sighed, "Don't go Laura; I just had to yell at Lee and Kara for getting into another fight, and that always puts me in a fowl mood," he turned to face her. She stood stiffly, with her back towards him. Her shoulders were squared, and head held high and back ramrod straight. It hurt him to see her so stiff around him, "I'm sorry," he said, but for what in particular, he didn't know, he just knew he needed to say that, he came up behind her and laid a hand on her shoulder, she tensed even more, "I'm really sorry that you've had to go through this alone so far," he said, realizing that this pregnancy was taking it's toll on Laura, "But I'll be here for you from now on,"

"Thank you," she whispered as she turned around. In the better light, he could see that she had been crying. She must have cried herself to sleep, he thought to himself, and on an impulse, he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close with no intensions of ever letting her go again. She melted into his hold, loving being touched by someone again. Soon, she started to shake with trying to hold back sobs.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Bill said into her hair, smoothing it down with one hand, "we'll be okay," his heart was shattering, seeing her like this. She was an emotional mess, and he hadn't been there for her, he had probably just added to it. He held her even tighter as she continued to sob. He decided that they needed to move, because the head was not a proper place to have a melt down. He gently freed one arm and picked her up, still holding her close, and walked over to his rack to lay her down. She refused to let go of him, and he had no other choice but to lean against the wall and hold her as she continued to cry. They sat together for ten minutes in silence, content to just hold each other.

"Bill, will we be able to do this?" Laura asked into his shirt, breaking the silence.

"Of course we can, we're unstoppable. We can do anything together, even raise a baby," he reassured her.

"It's a girl," she said suddenly, sitting up and looking into his eyes, "I just found out today," a ghost of a smile played across her lips.

Bill smiled and hugged Laura tighter.


	5. The Moment

"WHAT!! Are you serious!! I'm having twins?!" Laura said with a mixture of surprise and happiness.

"Yes you are, seems you and the Admiral will be happy parents to a set of fraternal girl and boy twins," Doctor Cottle said calmly to the expected parents.

They just stared at each other with love shinning through their eyes. Cottle was glad the Laura had finally talked to Bill, and that they were starting to be friends again. He could tell though that this friendship was deeper and more centered around them than the fleet. It had been a little over a week since he had told Laura that it was a girl and since then, he had seen her and Bill walk around the halls of Galactica together with arms linked, they stood closer together while in CIC, sat together during meetings, and rumor had it that she was staying in his quarters. Then they had shown up to her appointment together and he new that they were on good terms with each other again.

"Well you two, your next appointment is scheduled for next week and here are the photos of the twins. This one here is the girl," he said pointing to the baby on the right, "and this is the boy," he pointed to the one on the left, "well, that's it and if you have any questions, you know where to find me."

"Thank you doc, we'll see you next," Bill said and escorted his excited lady out of the clinic, knowing she didn't like it there after her near death experience with cancer.

 

~^~

 

Laura walked alongside Bill, and after checking to see if anyone was around, she slipped her hand into his.

"Can you believe it Bill? We're going to be parents to twins!" she whispered excitedly, looking over at him with a smile that lit up the whole corridor.

"It's hard to believe, I'll tell you that much," he said distantly.

"Hey, are you okay?" Laura asked tenderly and stopped their walk back to his quarters, "you haven't said much since we left the clinic and you don't seemed very excited about having twins, so what's up?" she squeezed his hand and put a hand on his cheek, making him look her in the eye.

"I've been thinking lately about how we're going to raise a daughter, and be there for her; and now we have to think about how we're going to raise a daughter and a son. How are we going to have enough time for two children Laura? You’re the President and I'm the Admiral, we both have busy schedules and our lives are at risk everyday. How are we going to do this?" He had gently grabbed her other hand off of his cheek and held them together between his own.

"I don't know, but we'll find a way, together we can do anything, remember? Don't worry about this, when the time comes, we'll know what to do," she reassured him with her words and the conviction in her eyes. Truth was, these things had been running through her mind over the past few weeks too, and she had no idea what the future held for the three, no four, of them, but she had faith in him and them together that they would make this work.

Content with her answer, Bill let go of one of her hands and they started walking again. They walked silently to his quarters, and once inside, Laura went into the head to take a shower. It had been a long day full of meeting after meeting. She and Bill had only seen each other during her appointment. He had just gotten off of his shift in CIC and she had just ended her last meeting for the day and still had a mountain of reports to read. A hot, long and relaxing shower was what she really needed right then.

A minute later, she walked out in her bra and underwear (which Bill happily noticed was the lacey light pink set she had worn the day that she had gotten pregnant) and crossed the room to stand in front of him. Bill sat on the couch reading a report. Laura turned sideways so she stood profile.

"Bill," she said, getting his attention up to her face and away from other parts of her body, "am I showing?"

"What?" he said confused at first then he saw the slight swell of her stomach, "well," he said in a playful tone standing and walking around her, inspecting every inch of her body, "if your asking me if your stomach is a bit more round than it was about a month ago, then yes, you are diffidently showing," he said from behind her. His warm hands rested on her slight bulge and his lips kissed her temple. Her hands came to rest on his as she leaned into him.

"That means we'll have to tell the fleet soon. How are they going to take it?" The question of how they were going to tell the fleet had been in the back of her mind for awhile now, and she assumed that Bill had been thinking about it to.

"I don't know Laura, they'll probably hate you for it, demand who the father is, and presume that you'll terminate it or put it up for adoption," his tone of mock seriousness caused Laura to giggle through tears that had formed in the corners of her eyes.

"Oh Gods Bill, I love you," she said, turning in his embrace and slipping her arms around his neck, "have I ever told you that?"

"Nope, but I like the sound of it," he said, his voice getting softer and deeper, and his face moving towards hers.

"Well," she barely breathed, "get used to it," anything else she would have said was cut off by Bills lips gently caressing hers. She nearly melted from within with the emotion put into this kiss, and she fully reciprocated the feelings ten fold.

It was their first real kiss, and it was a moment that would be imprinted in both their minds as the moment that they had bound their souls together for eternity. The moment that they both new that nothing, not even death, could stop what was developing between them because this was true love and nothing could stop true love.  



	6. Losing Big Time Part 1

Love can conquer death, can't it? Can love conquer the universe? Can love conquer those little petty fights that people had, like what to read aloud to each other? Can love conquer the accidental death of unborn twins that was caused by stupid Frakkin Cylons who decided to attack her the moment she set foot on Colonial One?

Laura didn't know. All she knew was that she couldn't face Bill again. Her Bill that had, in one moment, been relieved to have her finally back then the next moment gone after hearing that their unborn children were dead. He had just disappeared. In retaliation, she stayed on Colonial One, holed up in her office. No one had known that she was pregnant other than her, Bill, Doc Cottle, and Tory. She knew that she would eventually have to tell the fleet, but for now, she needed to grieve.

But did she know how to grieve? No. At least not properly, not alone. Last time she had had to grieve was for her mother, and immediately after her death, she had gone and started an affair with Richard Adar, the former President of the twelve colonies, and ignored the fact that she was completely alone in the world. And now, again, she was alone in this universe, but she had to face this, head on. She had matured after the holocaust of Caprica and she had truly fallen in love and was about to start a family. She had felt alive for the first time in her life, then had it ripped away violently, like a band aid that had been there for days and become part of her being.

She really needed to get her mind back to the reports that she was supposed to be reading, but she couldn't concentrate. She wasn't comfortable reading in her own rooms on Colonial One. The lighting was too bright and the smell was too sterile. She wanted to be curled up next to Bill, leaning against him as he also calmly read reports. She wanted to smell him all around her, sleep in his bed with his body next to hers, keeping her warm.

But then the FRAKKIN Cylons had attacked, and now she had suffered the deaths of her unborn son Brian and daughter Allison and the loss of her relationship with Bill.

"For Fraks sake, he had walked out on me! I had just found out too, does he think that I don't grieve for Brian and Allison? Then he expects me to just forget and come live with him again, oh was he wrong!" she had worked herself into a little rampage, her voice growing from a slight whisper to nearly yelling. She ripped her glasses off and was about to throw them when she had second thoughts. Her face crumpled and she put her head in her arms on her desk and sobbed.

The light touch of Tory's hand on her shoulder didn't register until her arms helped her up and gave her a desperately needed hug.

"Mada- Laura, you know that you can always talk to me? You know that right?" she said softly, "Shhh, I'm here, no worries, okay?" Tory hated to see the president like this, it was the third time since she had gotten back.

Laura quickly pulled herself together after a few seconds of human contact, not really wanting Tory to see her like this that much.

"Thank you Tory, I'm really sorry for breaking down on you, I'm having a rough time as you imagine. I think I'll turn in early. Good-night," She gave Tory her politicians smile that she was hiding behind and quickly walked behind a thin curtain that separated her from the rest of the world.

Laura sat on her bed in silence, not making a move to try and sleep or make a move to read more reports. She just stared into oblivion, trying to think of better times. It didn't work, her mind kept straying back to Bill.


	7. Losing Big Time Part 2

Bill hadn't seen her since he had walked out on her when they found out that she had lost the babies. Then, he found out that she had moved back to Colonial One. Tory had come and gathered her things while he was in CIC. The room wasn't as warm and homey as it was with her things and presence there.

He missed her things cluttering up his desk, her pictures mixing in with his. Her clothes hanging next to his, and her toothbrush sitting next to his. Petty things, he knew, but they made him feel more… human. She brought him down to Earth every time she sat there on the leather couch with her feet curled up, looking all adorable and still able to fight tooth and nail for something she believed in.

Bill needed to make amends with her. Again, for the second time in the space of three months, he had frakked up big time, and Laura had been on the frakked side of things.

She had just gotten back from being abducted by the Cylons, frakkin Cylons. They had held her for a week, torturing her none-stop until they had finally caught up to them and rescued her. No one knew what they had done to her, only that she wouldn't talk about it. She hadn't broken once though, staying faithful to the fleet, to him.

He had rushed down to the clinic as soon as they had safely jumped away only to find her laying stiffly, alone in a corner with silent tears running down her face, a hand on her stomach and the other white-knuckling the sheets at her side. Cottle walked him over to Laura, gently telling him that the babies were dead as he stared at her broken form, seeing the broken soul within and feeling his shatter. He had just walked away, not knowing what to say or how to handle the news. Then she had just disappeared and she wouldn't take any of his calls, reply to any of his messages or even set foot on Galactica.

"I have no right to be angry with her, but she's so frakkin stubborn and won't let me in," The question was, did he deserve to be let in? He had been the one to walk out on her. So he needed to be the one to let her know that he hadn't walked out on her for good, "I love her so much, I couldn't imagine my life without her in it."

He went over to the phone, and put a call in to Colonial One.

"Hello?" a tired and well-known voice said, "This is the President, how may I help you?"

"Laura, we need to talk," was all he said, a bit surprised that it was actually her who had answered the phone. It was usually Tory's job to take calls for the President.

It was silent on the other end; he knew she knew that she was talking to him and that she was trying to figure out what to say. He was about to speak again when she quietly said, "I really don't know what to say to you anymore," she paused, he could hear her trying to hold back tears as she said, "I feel we are falling apart, just like my heart," he herd the silent click of the phone being placed back in the cradle as she quietly hung up on him.


	8. Remission

She could still feel them hitting her. The bruises on her arms and legs had yet to fade, a constant reminder of her time spent on the base star every time she bumped them. The pains in her stomach hurt the worst. She had bruises so badly there that they had turned an ugly green-yellow color. Leobon had kept kneeing her and kicking her there, it was like his special greeting for her. Every time he came in, he would welcome her with a hit. Whenever Cavil entered though, it was the same question, "Where is the fleet?" Sometimes he would just ask that, sometimes he would stay and ask more questions. She stayed silent with both of the cylons though, never giving them the satisfaction of knowing how much it hurt, the physical pain and the mental pain that she had, knowing that her babies where going to be dead by the time she got rescued.

Laura sat remembering those horrific times that seemed so far away, even though it had only been five days, on a cot in the clinic, waiting for Cottle to come back and talk to her. When they had spoken on the phone, he had said that it was important that she get there as soon as she could. Tory had quickly cleared her schedule and Laura was on the first raptor she could get on.

"Well young lady," said Cottle, interrupting her silent reverie, "how have you been feeling lately?"

"Fine, you said it was important that I come down immediately?"

Cottle sighed; he knew it would be hard to tell this broken woman even more bad news, but this was harder than he could have ever imagined. He cared for the woman who was president, who he called 'young lady', but he could no longer see that young lady, the fiery look in her eyes gone, vanished; instead, he could see was a scared and defeated soul.

"Laura, why don't we go into my office?" He helped her of the bed and ushered her into his office. He never used her first name, which concerned Laura. She took a seat in front of his desk and he sat next to her, instead of behind the desk, "Laura, we got your blood work back," he paused and took her hand in his, "I'm so sorry, but your cancer is back."

Laura took the news in silently, letting it soak in. Finally she asked, "how advanced is it?"

"We would have to do more tests and take some x-rays before we know anything," was Cottle's response.

"Can we do that now then?" she asked quietly.

"Yes we can. Are you sure you're up to it?" Cottle asked concerned. She hadn't had much of a response. But her response to his question was just a look with a quark of her eyebrow that seemed to say, 'are you seriously questioning me?', a good sign, seeing a shimmer of the old Roslin peeking through, Cottle and Laura went to go take x-rays and take a few more blood samples.

 

~/~

 

Laura had shown a good face for Cottle and the people in sickbay, acting as though nothing had happened in the last week, Cottle had been softer with her than she had ever seen him to anyone. Inside though, she new that she was broken, shattered, and every time she started to piece the pieces of her life back together, someone or some thing nocks the pieces away and breaks them even more.

She was on her way back to the hanger deck when she decided that she wanted to lose her guards. She faked a cramp and ran into a bathroom which she knew opened to another hall. Once she had lost her guards, she made her way to the hanger deck, but not where the warm caring crew was, but the cold and lonely part where the airlock was located.

 

~/~

 

The Admiral was waiting for the President to arrive at her raptor to see her off. Bill was there to see his best friend and lover, and hopefully talk to her. She was five minutes over do when he saw her slip in to the hanger deck quietly and head in the opposite direction of her raptor.

Bill watched concerned, seeing that her marines were no where in sight. He started to walk after her, and then he realized that she was headed in the direction of an airlock. He broke out running after her, scared of what she was doing going over there.


	9. Airlock Confessions

Seconds after Laura disappeared behind the closing airlock doors, Bill heard the sirens blare that meant that it was engaged. She's going to airlock herself! He ran faster into the control room, and was a bit scared to not see her in the airlock. He quickly disengaged the airlock alert and opened the hatch so he could get in. She was sitting just below the window, knees drawn up to her chest and crying softly into her arms.

Laura didn't notice him until he gathered her in his arms and settled her in his lap. She quickly put her arms around his neck, and cried into his shoulder. He put his arms around her trembling frame and held her close to him, whispering that everything was going to be okay and how sorry he was, so very sorry, for all that he had done to her.

Neither of them noticed the crew being shooed away by Tyrol, there was only Bill and Laura. There was no fleet, no humanity depending on them, no expectations to be perfect; it was just them, sitting in an airlock with their arms wrapped around each other.

Laura sat up after a few minutes, a bit calmer, "I got your uniform all wet," she stated simply.

"Doesn't matter," Bill said. He gently brushed some stray hair away from her face, letting his hand settle on her cheek, never letting his eyes leave her face, "what's the matter?"

Laura didn't know if she could bring herself to tell him that her cancer was back, after the reaction she got from the loss of the children, she didn't know how he would react to her dying, and she couldn't stand him walking away from her again, it would kill her even faster than the cancer.

She laid her head on his chest, not wanting to look at him when she told him, "my cancer is back," she whispered softly. He didn't say anything, which scared her. But then he hugged her hard, crushing her to him. She tightened her hold around his waist. Tears started coming out of her eyes again, and she noticed that Bill was crying too. Her heart broke again, shaking her to the very core. She loved this man more than words could say, and here she was hurting him, and she couldn't do that to him.

Quickly, she clambered out of his loving embrace, and headed for the hatch. Once there, she turned around, "Bill, we never meant to hurt each other, any of each other. But it's what we do. All we do. We just need to stay away from each other and all we put each other through," she turned and ran for her raptor, leaving a stunned Bill behind. Bill processed the words, finally understanding that she was saying good bye to him for good. He started running after her, but she was already aboard the Raptor, and it was already in the decompression chamber. Nothing would stop it now. He watched it leave, and then walked slowly to his cold empty cabin.


	10. Silence

When you look around today, think off all the things not being said. Think of all the suffering and sadness that people go through and don't say a word of complaint. They don't scrunch up their face, they don't cry, they just sit there, poised, and suffer silently, even smiling and laughing like nothing is the matter. Think of all the happy things that could be said, but most of all, think of all the confessions that could be made. People who don't have enough gut to say that they are sorry, or that they love you beyond words.

~ΑΩ~

Life had become routine for Laura Roslin. Get up, dress, eat, meetings, diloxin treatment, read reports, sleep and repeat. It had become mechanical for her, so mechanical, that she no longer thought, she just did it. During quorum meetings, she would be quiet, put in a word here or there, but mainly watch as the quorum members bickered. None of them new exactly what had brought the change in their president, they just assumed that it had something to do with the abduction. They thought that it would pass; it had only been one month since she had come back.

One day after a meeting, Laura was packing up her things when Zarek whispered to her, "I need to talk to you, so wait till everyone's gone," Laura nodded, and dismissed her guards and Tory. She sat back down, and looked resignedly at Zarek, who in turn was a bit scared at the submissive look in her eyes.

"What do you want Zarek, I have to be on Galactica in an hour, and I don't have any time to waste, so make it quick," she said tiredly. She had to be on Galactica to have another diloxin treatment. Cottle said he would probably keep her overnight too, and Laura was not looking forward to staying in the clinic. She could stay at Bill's… but she wouldn't… couldn't.

"Well actually, I was going to talk to you about your frequent trips over to Galactica. Why are you going over there so much?," he paused and looked at her, only to see that she hadn't changed, just sunk into her chair a little more, "and on a more personal note, how are you feeling? You haven't quiet been yourself lately, and people are starting to notice, especially the quorum members and press, and you know it takes a lot to get through their thick sculls," his concern for his president greatened when her usual sense of humor didn't show at his lame ass attempt at a joke.

"Do you really want to know Zarek?" she said, her eyes dimming and face sagging with tiredness. He didn't say anything, so she went on, "I'm going there for diloxin treatments. My cancer is back, I'm in the early half of stage two. We're hoping to nip it in the bud because we caught it early. But who knows? With my luck, I'll be dead tomorrow," she ended with a bitter note in her voice then stood and started to walk away from the stunned Zarek, "don't tell anyone yet, and have a good day Tom."

She walked out and headed for her raptor, brief case in one hand and an old book in another.

 

~ΑΩ~

 

Cottle had just taken the IV out, and Laura settled in for a boring night reading reports and trying to sleep. There were only two other nurses on call that night, so no one to keep her company, which she was used to by then.

It was around 2200 when she fell asleep, after getting through most of her reports. They were strewn around her, in piles of relevance and topic, and pages of notes and a pencil in her hand, resting on her lap.

 

~ΑΩ~

 

Bill Adama had just gotten back to his quarters, settled on his couch with a glass of ambrosia, when he noticed a book on his other wise clear coffee table. It was an old book that he recognized that he had given to Laura months ago, it was one of his favorites and he wanted her to have it. He didn't lend books. He opened it and flipped through it, and found post-it notes with little notes on them all over the book, they where in her hand writing. He sat there for about two hours, the reading her notes and remembering what happened in the book that caused her to write what she wrote.

When he had finished, he went to the phone and requested a call to the president. Tory informed him that she was staying on Galactica that night in life station, and that the president had said that she wasn't taking any calls until about noon tomorrow. Bill thanked Tory and hung up the phone. He grabbed the book, and a new book before leaving his cabin and walking to the clinic.

 

~ΑΩ~

 

Laura slowly opened her green eyes, seeing immediately that she was in the clinic, and remembering Cottle restricting her to Galactica for the night. But she also remembered falling asleep with reports and papers all around her, which were now in neat stacks on a bed side table. She also noticed a Bill Adama, lightly sleeping on a chair by her bed, and a book she had returned to his cabin on her way to her diloxin treatment in his hand.

She slipped out of bed and with silent bare feet walked over to Cottle's office. He saw her coming and sat back waiting for her to speak after she had closed the door.

"Why did you let him stay?" She asked.

"Because he promised not to wake you up and he's my superior," was his calm reply.

"Well, I'm his superior, therefore your's, and I said not to let him anywhere near me," was her equally calm reply. She was scary when she was calmly furious, Cottle decided, but then again, so was Adama.

"It didn't hurt anyone that he stayed, did it?" he asked, not letting her faze him.

"Yes, it hurt somebody. It hurts him Jack. That's why I'm distancing myself from him. I'm dying, again. And this time, I have something to lose, someone to lose. It's him, and no matter what I do, he's going to be left behind, hurt and broken while I'm feeling nothing. He'll have to sit there and watch life fade from me, our lives withering away with each breath I take; he'll expect it'll be my last. We'll never have enough time with each other. And I can't leave him like that, wanting me back after I've died. That's why he has to stay away. I don't want to hurt him like I've been hurt. Can you understand that Jack? That's why he has to stay away," Cottle was stunned. She was pushing Adama away, afraid of hurting him even more? That just wouldn't do.

"If that is your only reason for keeping him away young lady, then you are sorely mistaken. He'll hurt even more, not being able to be there to help you. He has come in here asking me how you are. If you could only see the concern in his eyes when ever I see him, you'd feel differently. He comes in here every day to talk to me, even though you come here every three days. He's so scared for you that he can hardly sleep; I had to give him some sleep meds for it. Could you imagine not being there with your mom in her final days? How would you feel if she didn't let you near her because she knew that it would hurt you a little? Wouldn't it feel worse not being with her than being with her? Now put yourself in the Admiral's place. He has been very patient, but you need to shape up and let him in. Now you go and think about what I've told you and then make your decision weather or not to talk to him," he admonished Laura like her mother did after she had just done something bad.

Laura nodded quickly and raced to grab her things. Sobs erupted from her throat as she jammed papers into her brief case and tried not to think about what Cottle had said. She could hardly see through the tears in her eyes, but she diffidently saw the large hands make her put down her things, and felt then warm against her clammy skin as they pulled her into a warm embrace. She immediately pushed away.

"Let me go," she choked out; "please…" she couldn't stop crying and clung to Bill tightly. Bill in turn held her as close as possible, scared that if he let her go, she would disappear again. He wanted to be here, with her, but she kept pushing him away.

"Hey, I'm here now, okay? Nothing to be scared about, I'm here now, and I'm staying," he tried to soothe her, but she just wouldn't have it.

"You can't be here!" she cried out, "you can't stay," she said desperately, pulling herself out of his embrace, continuing packing her things up. His hands stole the papers from her again, and turned her face up to him. Her tear stained cheeks were pale and her eyes dull, he knew that she was stressed out, and knew that he probably added a lot to that load, which is why he wanted to be around, to help shoulder some of the weight that she carried.

"Laura, let me be here, for you," he tried to reason.

"No, it hurts you too much," she told him, backing out of his hands.

"It hurts me more not being with you! Don't you see? It'll hurt me more not being here, missing any chances I ever have to be with you? Please, let me stay." His eyes were pleading her.

She hated that he was begging her to let him stay. She couldn't bring herself to do it though; she knew how it felt to watch someone you love dearly slip away. It hurt, it hurt so much that it still pained her to think that her mom is gone, and she desperately didn't want that for Bill.

"No Bill, I can't put you through it," she picked up her things and was backing away from him, "It hurts, and I know it does. But losing me when we're close will hurt so bad, trust me, you'd never get over it. You'd cry yourself to sleep for awhile, feeling the pain of me being ripped out of your life, then it will fade to be just a dull ache, and eventually you'll learn to live with it. But then there will be something, it could be a smell or something that I used to do and you'll think of me and go through it all over again. And knowing how that feels, I can't do that to you. Please, try to understand…" she was far enough away that she simply turned and fled. Her guards made a tight formation around her as she whispered to the captain that she just wanted to catch her shuttle and leave, no interruptions.

Bill ran to catch up. He tried to get to Laura, but one of the marines stopped him.

"Sir, the president really doesn't want to talk right now. She is tired and exhausted and almost late for her raptor.

Bill watched Laura walk away over the marines shoulder, and noticed that she was barefoot, "well, can you at least give this to her?" he said, handing the marine the book that Laura had left in his quarters earlier and a new one.

The marine nodded and ran to catch up to the president.

 

~ΑΩ~

Laura didn't look at the books that the marine gave her from Bill until she was in the safety of her curtain guarded quarters. But as soon as she did, she wanted to run right back to him and give him a hug.

He gave her the book she had borrowed at first, and a new one. It was her favorite, and he knew it. She hadn't been able to find it even before the colonies had been nuked. It was Sea Rider Falcon. And there was a note in it.

 

I never lend books


	11. Breakfast

He had somehow found her favorite book that just so happened to be so rare, that only ten were in existence, and that was before the attack on the colonies. And he had given it to her. If he had any idea of how much this meant to her… but of course he did, that's why he gave it to her. Bill, her Bill, was like that.

Maybe she should let him in, maybe she should go and listen to him. She was surprised he was still coming after her, after all that she had put him through. It was time for her to stop running, and settle down and learn to love, to grieve, and to live.

~ΑΩ~

A small knock, that's all it took to get Bill up. He hoped it was Laura, but knew it was probably just breakfast. Breakfast was late this morning, the cooks where usually very punctual about getting food to him.

He stood up and tightened the robe around his waist. He walked over and opened the door to reveal Laura with breakfast.

~ΑΩ~

Bill opened the door seconds after she had knocked. The cooks had been a little flustered when she said she wanted a special breakfast for her and the admiral.

She had walked with a bit more life in her eyes, and a bit of a smile playing on her lips. Now she was standing in front of Bill, with breakfast and a small smile, hoping he would welcome her.

He stood there for a moment, confusion obvious in his eyes to only her.

Her smile widened, "aren't you going to let me in? Or are you going to leave a sick woman out in the cold?"

"Come in," he said quickly, trying taking the food from her as she stepped through the hatch, "here, I'll take that off your hands."

"No, just sit down and I'll set out breakfast,"  
he sat down with caution, still very confused about what was so different about her. He knew that the book he had given to her was special to her, but what brought this change in her was beyond him.

"What's the occasion?" Bill asked, gesturing to the food.

A small ironic smile spread across her face as she sat down, "a very stupid woman realized something last night and decided to tell her best friend and lover what it was," she looked up to see his reaction.

"And what was it that she figured out?" he breathed.

"That she was very stupid and really missed her best friend," He stood up, looking at her very seriously and then nearly laughed at her look of panic. He smiled and picked up his chair and set it down next to hers.

"I’m really glad she finally came to her senses, but I don’t think she is dumb. I think she was just trying to look out for her best friend," he took her hand, "and he appreciates it," he smiled and lightly kissed her hand, "now let's eat! I'm famished,"

Laura laughed for what was the first time in ages, "Men and their constant need for food,"

"Well, why do you think I let you in just because I love you? Huh uh, you brought food with you and I'm hungry, so lets eat!"

Laura laughed more and they fed each other breakfast, stealing kisses here and there and swapping stories they had herd over the past few months. Laura slipped into the head after they where finished eating for a minute. Bill hurried over to the phone and called over to Tigh.

"What?" was his harsh greeting.

"I need to take today off, can you cover for me?"

"Does it have anything to do with Roslin?"

"Yes,"

"Fine, then we have the same shift today, so it shouldn't be that hard,"

"Thanks, I'll tell you about it later,"

"K, well I still have ten minutes of sleep, so bye," Saul hung up on Bill.

That took guts, and they would talk about it later. Bill called Tory to clear Laura's schedule, and found out that it was already cleared.

"That woman is something else," he grumbled as he hung up the phone.

"I hope you mean that in the most loving of ways," Laura's light voice came from behind.

She was close behind him when he turned around and he proceeded to pull her into his arms, "Of course I do," he whispered into her ear and kissed the spot right behind it. He enjoyed her shiver in his arms and continued to explore her as he guided them towards the rack.

"So what plans do you have for today that they will take up the whole day and had to clear your schedule?" she said breathlessly as they undressed each other.

"What plans do you have that they take up all day and you had to clear your schedule?" he asked between kisses and taking off her clothes.

She smiled, then felt the backs of her knees hit the rack and decided to fall back and sit on it, "Well, with the way things are going, I'm assuming the same as yours," she pulled him down on top of her and kissed him passionately, thinking this was where they were supposed to be.


	12. Just a Doctor Now

Cottle sat at his desk filling out charts. He glanced at the clock and did a double take. It was nearly midnight and The Admiral hadn't been by that day to talk.

That concerned Cottle a little and then realized that he had no reason to be.

~ΑΩ~

It was time for the president's next diloxin treatment and as Cottle rounded the privacy curtain, he saw the admiral and president sitting there, holding hands and looking at him as though he was the crazy one, standing there and staring at them.

He was just back to being a doctor again, they had finally found each other again. And judging by the ring on her left hand, he assumed for a very long time.


End file.
